Dear Elsie Jane,

Just because you never actually envisioned something for yourself does not mean that it's a bad fit. It just means that you never had the creativity or the broadness of mind to explore the possibilities.

For instance, I never saw myself as married. I did not dream about being a bride as a little girl. I did not dream about the man I would marry. I more or less dreamt about all the adventures I could embark upon while single and free. Most of the time. Now, I've been married 7 years and I wouldn't trade it for anything--not years in the Peace Corps, not time backpacking across Europe, not living by myself in a big city making my way in the world. (I'm saving all those dreams for retirement now.)

I never saw myself as a mother, and then there I was with a baby in my arms. Who was this strange creature, and why was I tasked with her feeding, clothing, and survival? Was I responsible and even capable enough to provide these things? I never had training or really any practice--we're just thrown into this particular adventure and told to survive. I'm sure it gets easier the second time around.

At least, I hope so. While I never saw myself as a mother of one, I most definitely did not imagine two, let alone two so close together (in my mind). I'm overwhelmed thinking about how your life, my life, your father's life--all our lives--are going to change dramatically in August. I never envisioned this, and I'm terrified of what it means, but that doesn't mean that it's not a perfect fit for us. You are going to be a great big sister: imaginative, helpful, talkative, willful, and funny. We love you, and we can't wait to see you in this new light.

Love you,
Mama